Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mom


Dear Mum:

I am missing you this year. It's no accident I'm traveling all day today . . . for the last I-don't-know-how-many-years we've spent Mothers' Day together. Dad always treated us to that annual May get-away and we had some really special times. We went out of town until you were too sick to do that anymore . . . when you couldn't travel we modified our weekend and stayed at places like the Venetian, the Paris and the Bellagio. We ate at Olives and Spago and Mon Ami Gabi and all our favorite places. We had fancy manicures at spas in the city and then laughed at ourselves at the way we walked through the hotel holding our hands out so our nails wouldn't get messed up. I'm so glad I have those memories.

I am grateful we had our time together at the end. I recognize you may not have chosen your course, but for me to have the opportunity to mother YOU was a tremendous blessing in my life. I am especially grateful for that Saturday (a few weeks before you left us) when I trusted that prompting . . . I knew if there was anything left unsaid I'd better hurry. And so I did. It was hard. But I was able to tell you how I felt about you, that you were a good GOOD mother and that I loved you. And that I hoped I could be half the mother you were. You thanked me in very hushed tone and I knew it meant so much to you. A mere week later and that conversation wouldn't have been possible . . .

I am older now. Perhaps a little wiser. I know neither one of us arrived at motherhood with an instruction manual. When I was younger I had those thoughts (like most of the world, I think) that I had all the answers. I confess I might have even thought I'd be extra good at this mothering thing. Nothing could be further from the truth. Now I know we learn as we go and I recognize we're all here just trying to do right by the people we love. You mastered that. One thing I have always known was how you, my mother, my advocate, loved me.

You are gone, but not. Never forgotten.

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4 comments:

Gramps said...

Beautiful Tribute to Mom.

It's going to be a tough day today for both of us.

I love you Patti.

Amber said...

That gave me tears. So sweet. Especially this sentence:

"One thing I have always known was how you, my mother, my advocate, loved me."

cori said...

this really was so lovely. life is beautiful. really.

Buffy said...

This was so touching.

And so sad.